did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
