when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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