Moan for me like Helen Keller
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
