So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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