Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
