Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
