You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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