Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
