i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize