He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize