his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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