I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
