we have officially lost it.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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