I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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