Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
