you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
