Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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