have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Those nachos came to me in a dream