i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours