i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.