i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The adults are the big ones right?