Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.