So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize