Need sex. Gaining weight.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
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I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
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My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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