I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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