No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
