i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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