I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
