i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
