A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
