3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize