I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
