At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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