Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
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Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
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Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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