Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
