totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize