You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
