I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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