New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
