he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
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5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
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And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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