So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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