census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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