You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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