very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.