Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(507): View more from Minnesota

your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/

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(507): your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/ http://tfl.nu/cbt7

Replies (52) Good night (1199) Bad night (6187)
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(904): View more from Florida

nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle

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(904): nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle http://tfl.nu/jw9o

Replies (55) Good night (5349) Bad night (1500)
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(240): View more from Maryland

this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.

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(240): this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday. http://tfl.nu/pumo

Replies (30) Good night (12234) Bad night (987)
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(775): View more from Nevada

This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.

(1-775): View more from Nevada

Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.

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(775): This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life. (1-775): Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life. http://tfl.nu/spac

Replies (3) Good night (999) Bad night (3136)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.

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(202): Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now. http://tfl.nu/6prd

Replies (7) Good night (1051) Bad night (2604)
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(801): View more from Utah

Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.

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(801): Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body. http://tfl.nu/oco3

Replies (4) Good night (980) Bad night (2726)
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(971): View more from Oregon

I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.

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(971): I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again. http://tfl.nu/g2lj

Replies (9) Good night (999) Bad night (4235)
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(216): View more from Ohio

The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.

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(216): The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first. http://tfl.nu/lmqj

Replies (8) Good night (2079) Bad night (895)
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(501): View more from Arkansas

If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.

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(501): If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame. http://tfl.nu/x1of

Replies (16) Good night (935) Bad night (1977)
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.

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(608): Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship. http://tfl.nu/pyi6

Replies (6) Good night (1538) Bad night (650)
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(905): View more from Ontario

And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.

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(905): And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced. http://tfl.nu/b7p5

Replies (12) Good night (3114) Bad night (740)
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(561): View more from Florida

I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point

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(561): I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point http://tfl.nu/m5fj

Replies (3) Good night (1286) Bad night (413)
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(216): View more from Ohio

I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.

(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.

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(216): I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class. (610): I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class. http://tfl.nu/0ypg

Replies (0) Good night (1075) Bad night (383)
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(712): View more from Iowa

I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.

(402): View more from Nebraska

I'm honored.

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(712): I don't question myself. That's what I have you for. (402): I'm honored. http://tfl.nu/7y62

Replies (3) Good night (729) Bad night (485)
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(240): View more from Maryland

Are you ok?

(978): View more from Massachusetts

They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.

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(240): Are you ok? (978): They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy. http://tfl.nu/fltm

Replies (1) Good night (688) Bad night (180)

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