Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
He has the fingertips of a God
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
