Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"