I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
