mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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