I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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