god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
