Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
