Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
