Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
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Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
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Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
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