True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
