Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
