the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
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i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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