If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
