You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
