I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
