her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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