make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
