saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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