why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
FUCK WHALES
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
