I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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