He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
