after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
