Just fell off a train. Bad.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
